How do men manage life after divorce? For a man who was entirely devoted to his family, life after divorce is full of mixed feelings, pain and endless regrets. But this depends on how one looks at it. If you take life in a positive perception, then it turns up to be good, one can move on and rebuild his life once again.
However, this takes courage and confidence that life still holds so many goodies for them. In as much as divorce is one of the most unpleasant experiences, there is life after divorce for men. Once a man develops a positive attitude and especially when you have kids, then you can rebuild life once again and become happy.
Many men keep asking themselves whether there is life after divorce for them. This is because they were used to family life and the wife somehow managed every duty in the house. This stresses them so much that they even fear how life will be and how they will manage the kids to be at close contact with them. To achieve this, you got to have some tips on how to manage life after divorce when you have kids and below are some motivating tips that can give a man a stepping stone towards a successful life.
1. Maintain a close relationship with your children
Every child deserves to be loved by both parents. When the unexpected happens, and children are left with one parent as the custodian, then this turns out to be more painful for them. For instance, if they are left under the custody of the mother, the father then becomes an absentee father. The lonelier they become, the more they start erasing their father’s attachment.
As the children grow, they will have a wave of emotional anger toward him and may even reject him when they are grownups. The solution is for the Dad to help them develop the affection towards them, have defined times when they can meet and interact and let them know that despite the circumstance they are in, you still love them and ready to offer the support a father should give to his children despite the distance.
2. Remain Connected Online with the Kids even when away
If you take an instance when the father is the child’s custody, sometimes work demands that you travel away for an extended period. To maintain a close relationship and minimise chances of loneliness, it is essential for the Dad to keep chatting with them through emails, WhatsApp messages and let them know that though you are far away from them, you are still in close contact. It again proves that when they are in need, you will be able to support despite the distance. By doing this, the kids will feel loved, and you will also work at peace knowing that there is no issue back at home that may be bothering them.
3. Develop a new friendship with your Ex
For the sake of the children, a man should try as much as possible to avoid any conflict between him and the Ex-wife. This is because if the kids watch you conflicting, they will also take sides and the battle extends further. If they find the mother as the person who needs to be supported, they will keep off from the Dad, and the gap widens. However, if you maintain a calm situation, the kids will grow to respect you despite the status.
4. Set Rules and Regulations for your House
The moment the decree has been pronounced in a court of law, and the father moves in with the children in a new house, you also demand respect from them, and it’s high time they learn that you are still in authority. To earn new respect from the children, set rules that must be followed so that even when you are not at home, there will be no conflicts and confusion on how the house is managed. Let them know that they also have roles to play like helping in household chores so that they feel as part and parcel of the new home. Any rules that were from their former life should be erased with love as you set in the new rules that govern your new home as a single Dad.
5. Keep close to home as much as possible
You should keep in mind that when you are the custodial parent, you must carry the burden of the kids. They need to be fed, assisted with their homework and above all their emotional support should be maintained. With this, you must ensure that you keep close to home as much as possible even when work demands that you stay away for some time. Always try and create time to have fun with the kids, drop them to school and also taking them out during the weekends.
This will ensure that there exists no vacuum because of having their Mom away from them.
6. Showing Kids love during Visits
According to hg.org, if the Mom is the custodial parent, but you have permission to have them during the weekends or vacation, make most of the time with them, show them love and create as much fun as possible. Go out for a movie in the evening. By doing such little things for them, they will not get detached from you, and they will keep longing to have a chance to be together with you once again. This will also help you to overcome the painful emotions that you went through during the divorce process and heal faster than you could tell.
7. Effects of Dating for Men with kids
One thing that every person should understand is that even though a man is divorced, the intimacy part of it is still strong and one needs to have a partner beside him. This can bring mixed reactions for the kids who could have been of the mind that they would have hoped to see mom and dad together once again. When they start seeing the new development when Dad starts dating, all their hopes get shattered, and this brings confusion and unsettlement for the kids.
However, since there is life after divorce for single dads, you as the head of the house need to make them understand the reason for moving on dating another woman who is a stranger to them.
8. If you have been given joint custody for the kids, ensure that it works
According to completecase.com, some legal decisions demand it that you will have joint custody for the kids and by doing this, you will be managing the responsibilities of the kids with your Ex. This is one point that may bring fulfilment of the children’s lives even as they overcome the painful period that they went through. Such kind of custody often makes the Exes to remain as friends as they deliberate the way forward for their kids and this assures them that all hope for the family is not lost.
But in all this, care should be taken to avoid difficulties as the kids grow, for instance managing two houses where the kids will be free to live at anyone time is hard as the costs like rental will be very high. You will also need two house managers to pay whether the kids are around or not and as such, care must be taken and get to know how to handle such issues.
9. Have a parental plan in place
According to verywellfamily.com, a divorced father needs to have a plan and especially if you have joint custody. This is because you will be able to own up your responsibilities which will give the children a bright future and therefore avoid conflicts that may arise as they grow to become responsible adults. Even though you are divorced and you prove to the children that you are responsible for them, they will respect you too once they are old enough to live and manage themselves.
10. Develop a sense of respect between you and your Ex
Imagine a situation where, when you meet with your Ex all you have to do is to quarrel in front of the kids. This will underestimate you, and despite the hardships you went through during divorce, the kids will not respect you in any way.
As such, talk with respect to your EX calmly and let your children know that even after divorce, the woman who gave birth to them is still their mother and still command respect whenever you have conversations with them. As you impact them with this character, they will learn how to conduct themselves even in your absence.
The father being the pillar in a family might panic once the divorce is pronounced, and they are left to wonder what life is like after divorce for men. This should not hinder them from moving on. As a man, you need to set an example to your children that it’s doable to start a new home, and always set a mind that restarting life after divorce for men has been successful in many other divorces. Develop affection to your kids, show them love and important people to you and as a responsible Dad, you will have an easy time as you look forward to a brighter future.